January 31, 2016
Spending any amount of time at the VA Hospital in Oteen makes one think of old men.
The hospital certainly serves female vets as well as young veterans…even younger than me. But the majority of the patients are old men. Many are shaky, pale, and sickly.
Sometimes when I walk the out patient halls with Pap I wish I had some sort of story vacuum. Just think, if I did, I could suck up all the stories that belong to those old men. My what a treasure that would be!
The entirety of Pap’s recent hospital stay was in the ICU part of the hospital. It didn’t seem to be as busy as it usually is somehow, but maybe it was.
You can’t help but notice the other patients.
There was an old veteran to the left of Pap’s room. I don’t think he even knew where he was. I’d wager he was spending his last days on earth right there in the ICU. I never saw anyone visit him and that made my heart hurt. I could hear the nurses as they talked to him. I guess he was nearly deaf because they had to yell at him to get him to hear. I was comforted by the love and compassion every last nurse showed for him. In this case, I could literally hear it in their voices.
Another one was there because he’d overdosed on meth. He wanted to know if Pap worked there or if he was the Chaplain. The man finally decided it didn’t matter who Pap was he just needed him to listen to him talk.
There was a young man suffering from the same heart problems as Pap. I never saw him, but his family told me shoveling all the snow that Asheville got last week brought on heart pain that resulted in bypass surgery. I tried to comfort them by sharing Pap’s story.
Pap was 42 years old when he had a triple bypass. Six weeks later Pap was back at work. Those bypasses cured him for the next 25 years. The Deer Hunter likes to tell people about how Pap was in his 60s when they worked together building houses. The Deer Hunter says “Even though I was a young man and Pap was in his mid-sixties he worked circles around me every last day. Why at the end of a long hard day he’d pull sheets of plywood up on the roof of a house when I could barely get them above the fascia board.”
We’ve always been pleased with the nurses and doctors at the VA Hospital. But this time, they just seemed extry speciaal as Pap would say.
I’m convinced the 2 docs that cared for Pap could head off to Hollywood to be in the movies if they wanted to be. Two very powerful, kind, knowledgeable, women who just happen to be beautiful in two completely different ways. When I called their name Pap would say “Now is that the one with the amber eyes or the one with the black hair?”
His nurses were just as special. I wish I could remember each of their names because they were all great. Nancy took care of Pap like she’d known us our whole lives. We finally decided she seemed like family because she reminded us both of Nina Chastain.
There was a night nurse named Dewayne. He told Pap to call him De-wayne and encouraged Pap to get through the night time pain and worry of being in a hospital. Pap told him “Son you’ve got a good spirit that’s helped me through this.” It was easy to see that statement probably pleased De-wayne more than his next paycheck would.
I set in Pap’s hospital room and thought about the old men in the VA, the song “Desperados Waiting for a Train” came to mind. There’s a line in the song One day I look up and he’s pushing 80. As I sung the song in my mind that line made me realize Pap is pushing 80 too. He’ll be 79 in July. Even though I know Pap is an old man, I’m sometimes surprised by the fact.
I first shared Pap and Paul’s version of the song “Desperados Waiting For A Train” back in 2013. Guy Clark wrote the song. If you’ve never heard it, the song is about the relationship that occurred between a boy and an old man.
According to his website, “Guy Clark was was born in Monahans, Texas, on November 6, 1941 and grew up in a home where the gift of a pocketknife was a rite of passage and poetry was read aloud.”
“Desperados Waiting For A Train” grabs your heart from the first line: “I’d play the Red River Valley He’d sit out in the kitchen and cry.”
Clark wrote the song in the late 1960s about an oilfield worker who stayed at his grandmother’s hotel. The song was most notably covered by The Highway Men.
I hope you enjoyed the song, I thought you might like Pap’s ad-libing at the end. The song makes me think of:
- learning to play Red River Valley on the piano—how one note seemed sweeter than all the others
- sitting in the kitchen making music with Pap and Paul
- all the people who’ve sat in Pap’s house and made music over the years
- Paul telling me I can find the chords in the song better than most of The Highway Men
- Papaw Wade and his tobacco
- how the snuff Pap used to use would leave stains on his chin every once in a while
- A 14 year old Deer Hunter pulling a loaded horse trailer home from Cataloochee because everyone else was too drunk to drive
- the old men who visit the VA Hospital in Oteen and the nurses, doctors, and other staff who take care of them
- the impression we each make on others even when we don’t know we’re making it
As I look back to the time I wrote the post I’ve shared from the archives, I realize even though I hadn’t admitted it to myself I knew Pap’s time on earth was speeding quickly by.
Before we left the hospital stay he told those two pretty doctors he’d had enough.
With the hospitals help he gave my brother power of attorney over his affairs and signed do-not-resuscitate papers.
Oh the sorrow I felt when he told the doctor he’d changed his mind about the heart catheterization they’d scheduled for the following day. After he told her he looked at me and said “If that’s alright?”
I did what I should have done—told him it was his decision and what he wanted would be okay. On the inside of course I was screaming for him to have it—to try one more time to beat the heart issues that had plagued him for so long.
He died in April of that year. Three months before his 79th birthday.
Although I still miss Pap something fierce I have so much to be thankful for and one of the things I’m thankful for is the many videos we have of Pap.
I can watch “Desperados Waiting For A Train” anytime I want to and remember the day Pap, Paul, and I filmed the video. I can feel the enjoyment we all got from the song and from just being together; I can smile at the laughter we shared over Pap’s surprise ending and the way Pap rubs his chin on the line there’s brown tobacco stains all down his chin. Not to mention enjoy the lovely father son harmony that made Pap and Paul such a joy to listen to.
Last night’s video: Christmas is Over, Almanacs, Planting by the Signs, and More!
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I am so glad that you and your Pap were close, I never got to have that relationship with my “dad”. To me, he will always be my father but to him, I was never his daughter even though he raised me he didn’t love me and he let everyone know it. I did not know that he was not my father until after he died and my mother was already gone and so it seems everyone who knew who my real father was, I was 62 at the time so there is no way for me to find out and the rest of my family tells me to leave it alone. I am glad that the doctors and nurses were great to their patients, some are indifferent but the ones that are there for them it is fantastic. Your family is so close and that is something to treasure forever. I love watching you and have gone back and watched everything that I missed, now I am trying to catch up here. I have a lot of reading to do.
Wish I had had the foresight to record so many years of everyday minutes of my family. Must be so heartwarming to be able to go back in time in your life’s archive.
I cried as I read this. Made many trips with Dad to the VA in Fayetteville, AR. He died last January after two heart attacks and severe heart failure. He was not only my Dad but my best buddy and “cohort in crime”. It is so hard to let go.
Sue-I’m so sorry you lost him.
Tipper thank you for sharing this video with us. I took my father to the VA in Columbia, SC many times; I sure was pleased with the care he got there. You sure have a gift in expressing things in words and in speaking. That is one of the reasons your BLOG is so popular. You can make people understand how you feel. Dennis Morgan
Another song and story that opened up my heart and my memories! Tipper I feel such a connection to you and your family. I guess we share a lot of the same values and beliefs. I look forward to you everyday!
Tipper, I have been out the VA Hospital in Asheville several times with my husband David. I see all the Veterans coming and going and each one has a story to tell. I just appreciate each and every one. I think everyone should be required to go out and just be there for a day and see the Veterans. It would make you think about what some of them have been thru for our country and our freedom. We need to honor these men and women that have given so much.
Thank you for your story.
Carolyn Anderson
Warm, loving memories are balm to the grieving of the soul. Like most truths in life, I learned this one, as you and the Deer Hunter have, through a painful loss of a person one loves dearly. They all live on in our memories of good times shared.
Loved this post and the video! Did you notice that your dad swipes across his chin @2:42 (or close) as your brother is singing about a tobacco-stained chin? I think that might have been a little touch of his humor. You were so wise to accept your father’s wishes at the end. It’s one of the hardest things in life to accept when a loved one is tired of fighting and you’re not ready to let go – but also one of the most profound gifts that love can give.
Oh, my goodness. LOVE THIS SONG! Going to listen again. Your added story made my eyes even more wet, after reading the VA part. Sigh. AND, PAUL IS RIGHT! You can find chords even better than The Highwaymen! Thank you much.
Wonderful song and such a special story! I wish I could have met Pap also. He remines me of my dad. He along with my father-in-law had surgeries at the VA in Durham, NC. When my dad was there, many times he was the comforter to patients also. He would get in a wheelchair and strike up a conversation with many. My father-in-law who was a fine man was a quiet man, but he enjoyed visits from others when he was there. VA hospitals also remind me of nursing homes. My dad, my mom and father-in-law all passed in the same nursing home just at different times. I remember the guilt I felt when I signed the DNR for my parents, but I honored their requests. My husband went through the same thing and although you are doing what they want, it doesn’t make you feel any better at all. Our parents raised us and took care of us, that’s the least we can do for them. So many folks are in nursing homes and are just left there. This sounds awful but I call a nursing home, death row. We kept our parents at home for as long as possible but eventually we had no choice.
I just read the post again and want to comment on the paragraph about the two pretty doctors. When I was in the hospital with my eye pretty younger nurses would come in and check my blood pressure and heart rate, if they said it was up some I would tell them I was glad because it showed I still had a little spark left in me! But when I read about Pap’s surgery and the decisions you have to make it brings back so many memories of my wife. Most of you know my wife died during her by heart surgery. I told everyone of the doctors, nurses and the others that attend to her and me while I was in hospital last year with my eye how much I appreciated them and how I pray each day for them. To me me they dedicated their lives to helping others. Everyone was so kind to me during all of this. I firmly believed you will get treated just as well as you treat them. I am sure everyone loved Pap.
Oh, Tipper!! Sweetie you are so blessed in many ways. You have lots and lots of videos of Pap to look back on and see this wonderful man. I of course never met your Pap, but I surely enjoy his music and the compliments of him by others must make your heart swell with pride! I loved the song with Pap and Paul very much. Yes, you are mighty blessed!!
That was such a great song with beautiful harmony from Pap and Paul. I love the memories you shared of being with Pap in the VA. It reminded me of visiting my dad in the VA and it also reminded me of the last time I saw him right before he passed. My dad told me he was dying, almost like he was asking permission. I remember saying, I know dad. It’s okay. I love you. I tried not to cry, but the tears came regardless. Just like then, they still come as I remember that day. I know he’s no longer in pain and that has always been a comfort throughout the 22 years he’s been gone. Two years before he passed, he gave his heart to Jesus, so I know through God’s promise we will see each other again. Thank you for sharing your memories and song videos with us, Tipper. They always help us to remember our own memories and no matter how happy or sad they may be, it’s still good to remember.
Pap was a blessing to his family and now to so many others that read your posts and learn to appreciate him. It is with courage that we just stay ‘us’ and not some made-up super hero version. Remarkable man of character and caring. Thanks for sharing his ‘hero-ness’ so we have a real one to influence us. He produced and tended your growth and how you influence us, also. I always love how you so frequently describe the goodness in others and give us all examples as encouragement.
Great song and a wonderful story!
I can relate very much to them, ’cause you see, I’m one of the “old men” who goes to the VA clinic in Kernersville, NC and so thankful for the great doctors, nurses and staff there.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Like others here, I say this post is heart warming (in spite of also being sad) and Lord knows we need that. I am always blessed to know anybody who is doing that which is the fit with their spiritual nature. We call it ‘following our heart’ but it is really living out our nature. Those with the spiritual gift of helps just help because it is who they are and so with each spiritual gift. It was my Mom’s nature to hurt with the hurting. Dad called it “wearing her heart on her sleeve” because she was tender-hearted. He was also but it was buried deep and scarcely ever showed much. And Tipper your Dad knew what right for himself but he wanted it to be right for you all. That was the more important thing. Facing the end of my time that is exactly how I feel to.
How lucky you are to be able to watch videos of Pap and how right you were to let him make his end-of-life decisions.
Remembering your father is a tribute to the kind of man he was.
Guess I would say, I remember how curious mine was and wasn’t afraid to try his hand at something new. Never afraid of doing what some would proclaim to be ‘Woman’s Work’. But as a small person could still do heavy work. I admit without shame, I was a Daddy’s girl.
I miss Pap and I didn’t even know him. When he decided against another procedure and asked you if that was alright, it sounded like something my daddy would say.
Thanks for pulling this one up from the archives Miss Tipper! I really enjoyed reading this entire post & thoroughly enjoyed the song! I agree with having a vacuum to just suck up all the stories of those older men & women that have come & gone before us that would be nice!!
Pap is one man I really wish I could have met, he reminds me so much of my grandpa! They don’t make men like that anymore! Pap seemed very happy in that video and I loved his humor there at the end!! (That Son Of A Guns A Comin) lol ❤️
We wonder how we can ever smile again and at the time it seems we are losing everything. They taught us well, those tough gentle men who raised us. They seemed to know exactly what to say in the good times and the bad times. Their wisdom was always there to guide us, even though at the time we may have paid no attention. Many of us may connect a song with our dad. I cannot hear “Where Corn Don’t Grow” by Travis Tritt without being reminded of how dedicated my dad was to the simple life. Never street wise, but with a cautious wisdom everybody around him recognized. He worked so hard right up until he left this world. I once gave him a gift of a fishing rod, and he gave it back for me to use. He said he didn’t have time to fish. So much about your memories of Pap reminds me of my dad. I teared up, as I listened to the song by Pap and Paul. I had never paid attention to the words until now. In my field of nursing one of the hardest things I encountered was watching a loved one slip away while the family stood by helplessly and unable to do anything to stop the inevitable. There is where I really learned how a walk with God carries one through the good and the bad times. You watch them come into the world and leave, but I have to believe there is a plan and a purpose in it all.
Im tickled pink you had a positive experience with the VA health system. As a veteran and a RN let’s just say mum is the word of the day… mountain home TN system has the happiest VA patients in the system according to research. Let’s just say satellite clinics and big city VA systems aren’t so positively received. As a veteran, I believe I should be able to CHOOSE PRIVATE doctors, hospitals OUTSIDE the system and of course the right to make the best choices for me in my interest. If you’d have seen or been through some of the things I have at the VA, you’d cry and probably not sleep tonight. The best things that EVER occurred for me in a VA hospital was having my HYPOTHYROID finally diagnosed after many years of suffering and HOW I MET PATCH ADAMS AND HIS BAND OF MERRY MUSIC MAKERS!!!
Tipper–I think your readers need to be aware of just how deeply meaningful this song is for me and my family on multiple fronts. First of all, I was lucky enough to know Jerry (Pap) and spend some time with him. He was a truly interesting man. Then there’s the fact that a CD of him and Paul singing soothed my Dad in his final moments of his 101 years of earthly life. Also, the two of them blessed all of our family by singing at Daddy’s funeral. After one of their songs, unexpectedly and extemporaneously, Pap delivered some thoughts on man’s morality and the nature of life coming to an end. Looking back, iIhave to wonder if he wasn’t in some ways projecting, because his own years were growing short. Whatever the situation, he endeared himself to the Casada family at the most meaningful of times.
a humble tribute
THE EVERLASTING DRUMMER
Each day as I awaken
I scarce can draw a breath
for the Everlasting Drummer beats His drum
another death
A sacred crashing cadence
rising onward yet to crest
signifies by rite a warrior
not just any but the best
One crowned with glory and honor
fraught with victory and light
meets renown thru out all ages
for his steadfast love and might
The beating drum continues
for the Drummer will not cease
till all tribes both near
and distant learn you’ve
fallen for their peace
A glorious light has risen
brighter shines the noonday sun
ever lasting sounds the Drummer
for the battle has been won.
Tipper, I like the song too but that is not what I am thinking about after reading this. The hospital and your description of some of the patients makes me think of nursing homes. Many of the ones there don’t even know they are on earth or for the ones that do never have visitors or family to come and see them. Seems like many of them were just put off somewhere to die. In a lot of ways my father in law reminded me of what I have read about Pap. He had a band of just just plain and simple Christian men that would go at least one night a week when they all worked and sing and have a devotion for the patients at the area nursing homes. After they all retired they would sometimes go 3 or 4 nights a week and do this. They would sing the old time gospel hymns and one man would tell a few corny jokes or stories about the old times before having the devotion. They would not take any money for doing this, it was just something they enjoyed doing. I don’t understand how anymore can walk through a nursing home, VA hospital or similar places and see some of the ones there and not have it touch their hearts.
Thanks for the share, Tipper; it certainly tugs at one’s heart. Another great song; Pap and Paul’s harmony is amazing! So good!
This story really touched my heart about your dad. My dad is 86 and a vet as well. We’ve spend time up in VA hospital different times for his heart issues and the doctors and nurses are truly wonderful people who really care and take care of our vets who are there. My husband has heart issues as well, so that common thread between my dad, my husband and your father is there. Thank you for sharing this story, made me tear up, but it was good tears.
This is my favorite song yet by Pap and Paul. Pap looked so happy♡
I tried to get through it without crying but I couldn’t. This hit way too close to home since I just lost my daddy last January.
Cheryl-I’m so sorry you lost him!
So enjoyed this song and your sweet memories. Pap and Paul’s song was beautiful. You have a treasure in these videos. Thank you for sharing with us. Take care and God bless ❣️
He had pancreatic cancer and told us he was too tired to keep fighting. I’ll never forget him saying “You know this isn’t going to end well.” He put up a good fight for almost a year but he was ready to go home.
Cheryl-I can understand that Pap was ready to go too.
“The impression we each make on others even when we don’t know we’re making it.” Those words are so very true. Thank you for sharing today’s blog.
Pap was certainly one of a kind! I am so glad to have known him, it was a privilege! The finest man I’ve ever known!
A beautiful story of love and compassion. Thank you so much for sharing it.
Thank you Tipper. This was beautiful.
Well Tipper, this one made me tear up some, and I’m even as tough as the Deer Hunter and Pap. So many things I connect with here. My dad is still living at 86, though he has been on dialysis for nearly 5 years. We spend time at the VA hospital from time to time. I’m blessed to have a daughter in law and a very near future son in law who are both nurses at local hospitals. They both live for the relationships they get to experience with guys like dad and Pap. Periodically I have to take dad to a vascular center for maintenance on the fistula in his arm. The last visit was at different location than usual, but the doctors and nurses were awesome. The procedure required takes some time, so in an effort to make the patient relax, they play whatever music the patient likes and call it up on Alexa. Dad told them he liked Jimmy Rogers…lol. For the next half hour it was a big sing-along yoddlefest with doctors, staff and other patients joining in. Dad came out smiling so big.
I am just so honored to have read this Tipper! It feels of love hanging on every word, every sentence and every punctuation. It wraps around you like a warm, gentle hug. It feels like the world is all good again. Gosh I wish there was so much more like this everywhere we turned! Thank you for blessing me with such a lovely memory this morning, I’m forever grateful…..moved to tears even.
Loved that song, thanks for sharing
I can watch them sing as well. I have been saving all of your videos for future reference and I am sure I will be pulling this one up again soon. You are sharing your Blessings with us and in doing so, it causes us to count ours if we choose to. Loved hearing about the problem with mailing the Almanac and am looking forward to getting mine. Wonderful that you ran out…see there, you have many of us in your ‘over 200k subscribers enjoying what you do and say from near and far. Thanks again. Also, is it possible to all Granny’s address to your info beneath your video, would love to send her cards direct if that is possible. God Bless