Kraut working off on Granny’s porch
Yesterday Chatter and I were talking about how wonderful it is that our family is close. We laughed at how hard it is for us to say goodbye even though we’ll see each other the next day. We start the farewells inside the house and they go on way to long. Then we end up following whoever is leaving out to the car talking every step of the way like they’re going on a world wide journey for the next several months.
As we talked I was reminded of something Loyal Jones wrote.
“Appalachian people are family-centered. Mountain people usually feel an obligation to family members and are more truly themselves when within the family circle. Family loyalty runs deep and wide and may extend to grandparents, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces, cousins, and even in-laws. Family members gather when their is sickness, death, or a disaster. Supervisors in northern industries have been perplexed when employees from Appalachia have been absent from jobs to attend funerals of distant relatives.”
That family centeredness is one of my favorite things about our culture. Sometimes those tight family ties bind us to folks who aren’t really our family but sure feel like it.
The Chastain family who live over in Martins Creek come to mind. Many of the elders grew up with Pap and their children grew up with my brothers and me.
I remember one time one of the dear ladies from the family told me when their kids were young it wasn’t unusual for them to all spend the night with each other even though they only lived down the road a ways. She said the kids would sleep horizontal on the beds so more would fit and no one minded because they loved to be together.
The clannishness that can be found in the coves and hollers of Appalachia is often looked down on by others.
When The Deer Hunter and I were first married we lived with Granny and Pap while we built our house. If it hadn’t of been for Pap we’d never have been able to build it in the first place.
He gave us the land and built it with the help of The Deer Hunter, my brother Paul, my cousins, and various other people who pitched in along the way.
During that time I had a few people ask me if I was sure I wanted to live so close to my family. At the time there wasn’t really another choice since we were just starting out and flat broke.
We were married two years when we had the girls and we were in our new house two or three days before I had them.
After caring for newborn twins for a couple of weeks it was crystal clear I was living in the exact place I was supposed to be.
When I would think of the people who questioned our decision I wondered: Good grief! Would I rather live by strangers or by those who want me for their very own?
The benefits of loyalty and safety from living by family are priceless, but not to be discounted is the handiness of having someone close by to borrow from when you need it.
There’s no telling the things I’ve borrowed from Granny over the years. From another pair of arms to feed a squalling baby girl to a box of cake mix her and Pap always gave freely. In return we’ve been here to help them like the night Pap died or this evening when Granny and Paul needed to borrow a tomato for supper.
The clannishness of Wilson Holler has made me who I am today. And I’m beyond thankful my girls had the opportunity to enjoy that same intense pull of family.
From always having playmates down the hill to having the opportunity to absorb knowledge and wisdom from their elders the family-centered culture of Appalachia has certainly continued with their generation.
Last night’s video: Making Pickled Peppers, Pickled Okra, & Pickled Green Tomatoes in Appalachia.
This is wonderful if you’ve got it. But, it doesn’t work so well if you all don’t get along. I live on the road of of the original homestead & live in the house my relatives bought when coming from Ireland. A brother bought the house/property next door. They were Fightin’ Irish in 1851 & its been that way ever since! The two brothers got mad over a cow lane & property lines & feuded for years. Every generation since there have been property disputes (one set stopped talking to the other over a borrowed spinning wheel spindle & claimed my side stole it) and personality issues. I grew up dead center in the middle of a court battle & 3 different brothers (2 grand uncles & grandpa) and 2 grand aunts all fighting over our property. Eventually my mom & dad lost their use of the home they had worked so hard for. There was no ‘hanging with cousins’ or spending the nights visiting. It was staying inside out of sight. Very sad. Now that I live here, I am still surrounded by all of those relatives (but the oldest generation has all passed) and we have mended bridges & our kids play together. Unfortunately, I married someone who grew up right up the road a mile & his family is the fighting kind too. I haven’t spoken to my mother in law in 12 yrs & my kids don’t know any of their cousins. Luckily, my kids & us are close & we have an okay relationship with my parents. But I wouldn’t want them living next door. Thats poor of me, I guess, but they try to control too much. We do help each other & have fun together, but the personalities don’t always mix the best. I do have to say, they are the BEST grandparents, tho. In families, one must find a happy medium.
Wish I could see the recipes. I love them
An author I know posted a question yesterday asking her readers where was there favorite place to be. My answer was anywhere as long as I am with my family. Life is full of ups and downs, but there’s something about having the love and support of your family that makes life better. I really enjoyed today’s post! 🙂
Another beautiful, wonderful post! My family just had a 1st. cousins reunion in September. My cousin Patricia came all the way from Washington State to be with the rest of us in Tennessee. Others came from Missouri, Indiana, and other parts of Tennessee. When my father died back in the year 2000, one of his nieces came from Montreal Canada! Why? Because we are one of those Appalachain familys who love one another. In times past, family reunions brought people from MANY states. We’re getting to all be “seniors” now, but get us together and we all feel like kids again!
I love this post! I grew up with my grandparents next door. Like you, my parents were given the land upon which they built their house long before I was born. I never went to another baby sitter except one time—and my Pawpaw threw such a fit over that…that it never happened again. I was so blessed and those are some of my best memories. Now, its just me and my brother left out of the whole family. We’ve lost a lot the last few years…and those memories I will hold on to the day I am under the dirt. Thank you for sharing. XOXO
I came from a close knit family but somewhere along the line the thread that held it all together got snipped and the whole thing unraveled. I don’t know at what point it all started coming apart or whose fault it was. Maybe it was mine but no one talks to me anymore.
I have my two kids who love me and who I love dearly, that call me two or more times a day. They come to see me at least once a week and never leave without hugging me and telling me they love me multiple times. They never leave or hang up the phone without saying “Call me if you need me!”
Here at home, we follow everyone out to their cars, then we stand in the driveway waving until we can’t see them anymore. Faith, family and I am going to add friends also because I consider a lot of my friends, family. How blessed we all are!!
I agree with you 100%. Faith family and friends to me are the most important things you will ever have in life. Enjoy them as much as possible, a family member or friend can be gone in the blink of an eye. I also have friends that I consider family. I also remember when people would walk to the car with you when you were leaving.
Speaking of relatives, my daughter emailed a term she had never encountered, and neither had I: “grand uncle,’ a brother of one’s grandfather. Most of us had them but probably never had occasion to refer to them as Grand Uncle Monroe in conversation.
The paternal side of my family lived near each other. We were always in each other’s homes. I got a lot of my cousin’s hand-me-down clothes. The maternal side was scattered. We had to drive to see them on Sundays after dinner.
I have many grand nephews and nieces because I had 8 siblings.
I am from WV and this story brought a memory of so many things. When I got married and we ended up moving to TN and leaving my grandmother, aunts, brother and cousins, it was exciting but later reality hit about being away from my family. I was working and when it was time for vacation, I would always go home to visit my family. My boss commented that instead of doing that why didn’t I go on a trip somewhere. He just didn’t understand this was what I wanted to do. I had two boys and my husband worked out of town most of the week but I always have regretted that I didn’t get to go home more.
We are the same way and here all the time I thought my Grandparents, Parents, and all displayed LOVE of family because we were Southerners:) Even as teenagers, my brother and I never left the house going on a date or to a function without hugging our parents and telling them we loved them before we left. Our sons have displayed that hugging before they leave even now that they are grown men. One son lives not too far from me and I will follow him out to the car every time and wave good bye like he is going 1000 miles away when it’s only about 5 minutes away:) When my parents married they lived in a little house my Grandparent owned which was on their farm right neer about 1/4 mile from my Grandparents house. I found it so amazing that they would go and spend the night with my Daddy’s parents and brothers, as his older brother would get books from the library (about 15 miles from the little farm) and read a Zane Grey story so they would just stay the night and then go back the next week to hear more of the story.
This post is close to my heart. Last Saturday we had a “”cousins reunion.”. It was wonderful to see first, second, third & even fourth cousins. I didn’t grow up living close to my extended family. We lived about. 100 miles apart, but we were and are as close as if we lived in the same hollar. God gave me this sweet family and I am so grateful. The connection I feel with your family is because we are in the family of God! Take care and God bless ❣️
YAAAASSSS! My biggest regret about childhood is that my parents moved several hours away from our nearest relatives. So many kids in my school had their own cousins in the same classes as well as grandparents, aunts, and uncles who lived close by, and I always envied them. Thank goodness for the close relationships we had with other families in our church who became like extended family to us.
I hope and pray your family will always stay close like that, Tipper!
Family should stay close, even if they move to another state, they are still family. Even if parents or siblings pass, the ones that are left should still stay as close as they were growing up, because no matter the distance between you, with or without loved ones, the remaining people are still family.
You know, I think what drew me to your writing in the first place was the way your culture seems so similar to our own Cajun culture. I live way down south in Louisiana, near the Gulf of Mexico and I thought our family centered culture was unique. I’ve enjoyed the comparisons through your writings and videos. It is nice to know we aren’t alone in our dedication, simplicity and appreciation for God, family, nature and practicality. After all is said and done, what else really matters?
Thank you, Tipper. That clan closeness is our strength.
My dear in laws would give the long farewells, walk with to the door or car. “Y’all just spend the night with us” was another bid of farewell they would say.
We have lived for 39 years 200 miles or so away from each of our families. I have regretted it for our son and daughter that they never really knew that extended family togetherness that we did growing up. Now each of them live distant; our son 700+ miles away and our daughter 900+ miles away. I know you are thankful and I am thankful.for you. My brother did much as you all. He built his own house just out of sight of the old place. And his youngest daughter lives 100 yards or so away.
I have wondered how different things could be if we began life with the understanding of old age and then aged into childlike wonder and playfulness. Ah well, not sure if the puzzle of how best to redeem our earthly time can be completely solved. But at the core of it is love.
You have wrote what I have been trying to say but couldn’t put into words. Every word is a perfect description of the way life with my family and my wife’s family and I will also include my “native”neighbor has been. I thought back on Labor Day of the past with my wife’s family, there would be around 30 or more members along with a few neighbors and friends gathered together for a fish fry every Labor Day and also at other times during the year.Sad to say this no longer happens, so many have now pasted away. We still get together but it is not the same. I don’t think of my area being Appalachia but many of our customs are similar. I want to say spend every minute you can with your family, nothing outside of God is more important.
Anderson, Cherokee, Greenville, Oconee, Pickens, Spartanburg, and Union Counties in South Carolina are considered by the Appalachian Regional Commission, a Federal Government Entity, to be part of Appalachia. If you live in either of these 7 counties you are living in Appalachia.
Well Ed, I reckon I am part of Appalachia too. All of my family were born, raised , lived and died in either Anderson, Greenville, or Spartanburg county. I just tend to think of Appalachia being the areas along the Blue Ridge Mountains. I guess the mountains of 0conee and Pickens are part of the Blue Ridge Mountains. I know I would be proud to be called Appalachian.
I did not grow up with that kind of closeness that you have in your family. I look at it with wonder, it’s a beautiful thing to see. My growing up years we didn’t live anywhere near family. We saw them once a year in the summer. I have looked on other close families with wonder.
You, Tipper, have a wonderful family and I feel as close to Granny as I have ever felt. The whole family unit is beautiful to see!
Oh my gosh, what a testimony of ‘family’ We used to live down the road from a family of 8 children. I would spend the night with 3 or 4 of the girls of the family and we would sleep that way so all of us could be in the same bed and talk, talk, talk about what happened during the day and what we were going to do tomorrow….amazingly enough, these 4 girls turned out to be my sister-in-law today. After graduating from High School, they went their way and I went mine. Low and behold, 43 years late I married their oldest brother. We moved to North Georgia and after 22 years, moved right back to within 1 block of my MIL and two sisters-in-law. My husband says, and I believe it, we spend the first part of our life trying to get away from ‘home’ and work the rest to get back to our roots. Wonder what would have been different if we had stayed closer?….nope, kinda think I appreciate family more and stronger. Thanks for reminding me of my true roots.
My Virginia born and raised grandmother had 11 children – 8 girls, a set of twin girls in there, and 3 boys (one of whom drowned in a sinkhole at 12 years old.) I remember when my aunts would come (whom I adored) they would hug and cry and say goodbye for the longest time- like you said- one would think they lived in California and were going away to join the French Foreign Legion, but they just loved their mommy!!! They told tales of sleeping long ways in the bed and when kin folk stayed over. They said they loved it. Anyway, love is always good to see and especially the youngsters need to see it so badly these days of uncertainty and just not much for a kid to depend upon…and I stick by my younguns no matter what and although I may not agree with them on all things, I still love them and will stand by my babies no matter what any of us may do…”love is patient and love is kind. It does not envy nor boast nor insist on its own way…it always perseveres” and in the end love is the most important thing of all!