Yesterday Andy Davis left the following comment on an old post.
A dear friend just passed away in NC. On our last visit with him he was very particular to explain to my wife and to me a parting custom after spending a visit in the southern mountains… “Go with…” “Stay on…” We were very moved by this – especially since it turned to be the last visit we were to have with him. Do you have any knowledge of this back and forth between the folks leaving, and those staying, when its time to wrap up the gathering and hit the road? When we left him that day we certainly took him on with us – and a chunk of us stayed on with him – even still. Anything you can add?
I’ve never heard the exchange in parting exactly the way Andy shared it. I am familiar with the intent behind the words.
The most common parting I’ve heard is “Come go home with me” (said by the folks who are leaving) and “You ought to just spend the night” (said by the folks who you’ve been visiting with). A few other variations of the second phrase come to mind: You ought to stay a while, Don’t run off, Stick around.
Although I’ve heard the phrases I shared my whole life, I’ve never thought about them in relation to a loved one leaving this ole world, but I’ll be studying on that aspect in the coming days.
If you’re familiar with the custom Andy is asking about please leave a comment and share what you know.
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I have heard all those sayings in my growing up years and I just thought it was normal southern expressions of love to family as my people lived in NE MS. The family following the folks on out to their car was always so sweet to me. I remember my aunt one time said, “Why don’t you come go home with me for a month.”
We are from SC, and my grandparents used many of these expressions. A favorite was, “You don’t have to go; we’re gonna stay!” It takes a long time to say goodbye to people anywhere in the South. When guests finally start the car, windows come down and more goodbyes are said. When the car drives away, the hosts wave from the driveway until the car is out of sight.
My grandparents are from the Appalachian area of Kentucky and my grandpa will always say “Well, don’t run off now.” When it’s time for us to head home after a visit, no matter how many hours we’ve been there. It always lets me know how loved we are and not a burden. Your series on Appalachian words and phrases always makes me laugh because so many of them are things I’ve grown up just thinking were normal things everyone said because of my grandparents and their neighbors! We are in Ohio, but I think there must be very many of the older folk who came here from the mountains for work. We’re losing them though. My grandma will not talk
much of her life in Ky but I have always felt a deep connection to the food and culture, and your channel has felt like sitting at a sweet aunts house. It fills me up. My fondest childhood memories are visiting the mountain family and sitting at my great aunt Ruby’s table or running barefoot around her
holler property. She’d talk to the the garter snakes in her tomatoes like they were friends. Her son was a coal miner and I still remember the fast and thickly accented way he’d talk and he always gave me $1 when he’d come up for a visit, so I thought he was the best. I’m trying to keep that spirit and lifestyle alive and pass it down to my own children. Thank you for sharing so much and being like a friend along the way!
My Husbands Grandmother would always say “What’s your Hurry” every time we were getting ready to leave. Now we say that to company when they are getting ready to leave.
TIPPER,
I CAN REMEMBER WHEN WE WOULD GO VISIT ANY OF OUR RELATIVES WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR US TO LEAVE, SOMEONE IN OUR FAMILY, USUALLY OUR DADDY WOULD SAY, “YOUNS JUST COME AND GO HOME WITH US.” THIS PHRASE WAS COMMON IN OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I LOVE Y’ALL.
I’M PRAYING FOR GRANNY.
8/21/2023
Near Athens, Georgia
I’ve heard most of these sayings but my Daddy would sometimes jokingly say “Bettie, we need to go to bed so these folks can go home”.
Growing up in Northern Mississippi in the 50’s, I heard all of those sayings, Tipper. My Dad would be so impatient when we were leaving our relatives’ house because they followed us to the car & kept talking. Addressing Southern Hospitality in Mississippi (where I still live), I remember my grandparents taking in 2 men who had walked to their farmhouse to ask for water. My grandmother gave them water & asked them to stay for dinner (lunch these days). My Grandmother was a great cook & she had cooked fresh vegetables right out of the garden that morning, and she always had a dessert whether it be a cobbler, coconut cake, tea cakes or a pound cake. The 2 men ate dinner/lunch with them & thoroughly enjoyed the meal. My grandparent’s Collie Dog named Curly sat by the dining table & never stopped growing which was unusual because Curly loved everybody. A few days later my grandparents found out that the 2 men had escaped from the Corinth, MS jail & were armed & considered dangerous. Guess ole Curly knew! My grandmother said, “Law have Mercy, we could have been killed & I even told them to come back anytime. Prayers for Granny & your entire family.
“Well it looks like time for us to start heading home.”
“You just got here, you ought to just spend the night.”
“I would if I could but I’ve got to slop the hogs and feed the dogs and milk the cow. Old Bessie will be bellerin for her calf to be turned in with her. Fact is I think I can heer her now.”
“She must have a strong set of horns on her if you can heer her from your place.”
“Yeah, she can make some noise! I think she’s learned how to let down the bars with her horns. If he gets in with her there ain’t gonna be enough milk for us. He’s plenty old enough to wean but I think if you keep a calf around and let them suck a little she’ll be wet a lot longer”
“We’re gittin’ plenty of milk for us and have been givin some to the hogs. Yunz are welcome to it if you can get it home fore it blanks. We got some buttermilk in the spranghouse too that’ll keep better ater carryin it home.”
“I like buttermilk but they ain’t not nary one of the rest of my bunch ‘ll drank it. Ain’t tried it on the littlin yet but I imagine she’ll be jist like the rest of ’em. Anyways we could stand here talkin all night but there’s stuff to be done at home. Yunz are welcome to come over any time.”
“We’ll do that! Glad you stopped by and yunz are all welcome here too!”
God bless you Tipper, with that thing on your head you look foreign, where are you from? that old home place looks familiar
This post brought back sweet memories. I’ve heard “come go with us” and “stay a little longer” or variations of those all my life. My parents always went out on the porch and sometimes in the yard when people visiting began to leave. They always went into the yard and out to the car when it was their children/grandchildren leaving. My husband’s family did that also. He and I do the same, our children not so much. They say it takes a long time for us to say goodbye! I grew up on the coast of NC so it’s not just an Appalachian custom. I always thought it was normal behavior, but maybe it’s a southern custom.
Those sayings were reserved for good friends and family in my experience. They were seldom used for strangers or those on business. Stay the night was only ever used with folks who had a ways to travel when they left. I guess everyone else who posted just assumed that we knew they were used with friends and family, but someone reading from, say, New Zealand might not know that.
Am I wrong? Was it used with strangers in your family?
It seems like I took the man’s words to mean death and it was the wrong meaning. I have read the other comments and many of the the sayings in the comments were and some still are common to me.
Read this post before daylight and the 33 comments just now. I know that folkway. The one at home says, “Just stay longer. By and by we’ll eat a bite.” The one leaving says, “Caint, best just go with us.” I call it (to myself) country polite but it’s not put-on. Whatever the particular words it means ‘I’ve enjoyed our time and am in no hurry to end it.’
Well, I like it.
One that I loved when I first heard it from a friend that came from Kentucky was; “Ya’ll come back when you can stay longer!” What an interesting way to be invited back!
I lived in the city of Cincinnati until I was 8 years old when we moved back to the ‘old home place’ in the hills of East Tennessee just before the end of World War 11. The most difficult thing I had to get used to was the use of some of the language used by my school mates and folks at church. As we would be leaving church, friends would say, “Go home with me.” I would reply, “I’ll have to ask my mother and daddy.” I would then get a very curious, or sometimes a shocked look from the friend. I learned the, “go home with me”, was a common ’saying’, and not usually a genuine invitation. Another one I heard VERY often from friends at church or especially at school was “They Law!”, in answer to something that might have been a little surprising. For a long time I would look to see if there was a police car around anywhere! It took me a bit to get used to that one!
My mother, being a school teacher, did not permit us to use poor grammar, but gradually we became one of um!
I’m pretty sure I kin tawk with the best of um now an nobody’d know the difference!!!
What does “They Law” mean?
Ann-it is said when something is unbelievable or surprising. Law is a substitute for Lord 🙂
I love all these wonderful sayings. I remember when we would go visit my aunt’s about 100 miles from us, we would always try to leave so as not to be driving in the dark. I can hear one of my uncles say every time “don’t you have lights on that car.” My family always went out in the yard or in the porch to continue saying goodbye. My dad would make the comment that it took the Grant family about an hour to say goodbye. We loved each other so much and wanted to stay together as long as possible! Prayers for all. Take care and God bless ❣️
There’s nothing like southern hospitality. After church, Sundays was always spent with family. It didn’t matter if we’d spent the whole afternoon, when it came to leave, ” What’s your hurry?” Can’t you stay on?” I do miss those precious times but now we carry on the tradition with our own family. We find ourselves saying the same things. 🙂
Gloria your comment about spending Sunday afternoons after church and before evening church service with family was so true in my family and my wife’s family. I wrote this a day or so ago, after marrying, all of my wife’s sisters, son in laws, grandchildren , some other family members and at times a few friends would go to my mother and father in law’s house after Sunday night church service some of the children would even come back after spending the afternoon with them. Sometimes there would be 20 or more of us and we would all have a happy time of fellowship with one another. One of my reasons for never wanting to move away.
I’ve heard or say most all these expressions mentioned in the post and in other’s comments. Also use “Come sit a spell, Come go with us, Come on in, Come on back, Stay on a while, and Stay a spell were said by my people most often.
No matter where I am while visiting other states, I can usually tell if a person has come from the Appalachia area, simply by the words they say. Back in the day when I use to travel a lot, no matter where it was, if I heard some mountain talk by others I didn’t know, it was comforting because I know they had to have either been mountain people or came from mountain people. It’s silly, I know, but that’s how I felt.
I remember hearing nearly every one of these and how precious they are! I had forgotten the one about just coming for a chunk of fire–never heard it but have read books with it. People really did sometimes have their fire go out without any a way to light it again so they would go get a chunk of fire from a neighbor. This reminds me of a sinister story from Mama. They lived way out in the country and one day a man pulled up pulling a car. He came in and demanded a light for his cigarette. There were no matches in the house but he demanded, “You better get me a light.” They thought by the way he acted that he had a gun and were terrified. My aunt rolled up a piece of paper and held it in the fire and lit his cigarette with it. He left and one of my aunts just flew by foot to a neighbor’s who called the police. He was arrested –it was a stolen car and he was armed. I’m thinking of yall every day and praying.
I’ve never heard it exactly the way Andy describes but it was common for me to hear, “Ya’ll should just spend the night.” (Some stayed so long you thought they had planned to, especially if they had come unannounced and had been there for dinner and stayed almost until supper time.) Also it was common to hear “Ya’ll come and go home with us.” Sometimes when that was directed to very young ones there could be tears when the little one wanted to go or stay but couldn’t. I didn’t understand why adults would deliberately cause that to happen.
I never thought about how it might be directed to a last meeting but find that thought very interesting.
Tipper, you have again brought up another simple common thing in Appalachian life for us all to ponder.
I’m enjoying another morning in your beautiful mountains today.
I’ve heard those expressions and similar ones all my life. Southern hospitality is a beautiful part of Appalachian culture.
My clan has said this all my life.I love it too!
Good morning Tipper and bunch.
Yes this was very much a saying of my grandparents. If you were leaving, you’d say” just go with us” and they would say ” just stay on”. Next was… Best be on but I’ll come back soon. A lot of us still say that.
They would walk out to the car with us, watch as you left until you were out of sight.
As a child peaking out the back window of the car it really felt like we should ” just stay on.”
Love and prayers for ya’ll. Sandra
My folks were raised not from from you and I visited there as a child many, many times. The two phrases you shared – “Come go home with us” and “You should just spend the night with us” – were very common and I heard them all the time. Still occasionally do . . and it warms my heart.
Wow…those are old sayins’ and they hold true today with us ‘older’ ones. I am thinking of you guys quite often and am going back over how I handled my mother’s passing. It is not easy to handle even if you know where relatives and/or dear friends are going. Life is not easy sometime, but with God’s grace and help we will handle what we have to handle. Praying for Granny and for you guys. You are so Blessed that you have God in your lives. Prayin’ for ya.
Glenda, your sentence about it being hard to handle even though you know where your family or friends are going when they die. An older man at my church comes and talks to me every Sunday after the morning service. He will always ask how I am doing in regards to my wife’s death and often says this to me “ we know that our love ones or friends that were Christians and die are in a better place, it the one’s they leave behind that hurt and suffer.”
Daddy used to say, “What’s ye hurry? You ort to just stay all night. You can go home when you can’t go nowheres else.” My ex-husband used to say, “Youins come back when you ain’t got long to stay.”
“We got plenty of room, stay awhile.” and “Load up and go with us.”
Lovely phrases, Tipper. Thank you for sharing them – and the kindly, hospitable meaning supporting them.
Always walk outside when we were leaving. Once we cranked the car, she would put her hand on the door and say, “be particular.” This was my mother-in-law.
My parents always said to guests leaving “don’t hurry off” then when they were walking out the door some variation of some back soon.
“Don’t run off,” and “Don’t up and go,” I commonly heard from my Grandmommy, born 1883. Funny what is remembered clear as a bell.
When I was young, “Come go with us” was a common saying as a person was leaving from a visit. I don’t remember anyone saying “spend the night”. My father would say “come go with us” and probably both my parents would have been horrified if they actually did.
We met a couple from S. Ga. who had come to Athens for the husband to enroll in one of the PHD programs. They had met a couple from above the M/D line (Yankees). As it got close to midnight, the husband said “We need to go. But y’all come and go with us.” Well this couple from the North got their kids out of bed, dressed them and went home with our friends, in their car, to their 1 bedroom student housing apartment and sat around until daylight. Then asked to be driven home. out friend never said that again.
Prayers for your family.
That brought back such sweet memories of my own dear grandmother, “Maw”, as we called her. She was the kindest, sweetest person in the world and would stand in the doorway of her house as company was leaving and linger with them as long as she could and say, “Now, youns come” or “Youns stay, and I’ll scare up something for supper.” I hope she knew how very much we loved her.
I don’t know that I have heard that where we are from but from the rural Piedmont region they would say like you said “why don’t you come go home with us” or “what’s your hurry”, maybe even “won’t you stay and eat with us”, when you tried to leave and they wanted you to stay. As I have been going through my moms cards and letters – because I think she saved every single card/note she ever received, from family they would always end the card or note with “Come (to) see me” or “Come (to) see us”.
I remember things my parents said to visitors and I may use myself. Some of these are: “You don’t have to rush off”, “Ain’t no use to run off so soon”,
“What’s your hurry?” , “ You may as well go crawl in bed here” or “sit a spell”.
If you see someone out you might say “Stop by”. It’s always fun to read your daily posts and get your mind working in the mornings.
Tipper,
This is the song I thought of when reading your post.
“Stay a Little Longer” is a Western swing dance tune written by Bob Wills and Tommy Duncan. The title comes from a refrain in the chorus:
Stay all night, stay a little longer,
Dance all night, dance a little longer,
Pull off your coat, throw it in the corner,
Don’t see why you can’t stay a little longer.
This long came to my mind as well. Maybe Corie and Katie will sing it for us.
I am not familiar with this custom although when visiting with friends, I have heard “stay or stick around a while longer” or something similar. This is not exactly the same but since my wife died, one of my best life long friends calls me at least once a week and will tell me I just called to check on you and wanted to”jaw” (talk) with you for a while. Talking to him and some other friends that call from time to time helps me feel better than anything else I do since she passed away.
I read this in a book, this letter was wrote by one member to each member of a group of men that had hunted and fished together since boyhood after one of the members had died. It was “Religion is a personal thing and I am not asking, I know this member is in Heaven waiting on us, I bought my ticket to Heaven a long time ago, I would hate to spend eternity without the rest of you being there. Will you think about it?” This is how I feel about my friends and love ones that have brought me so much joy and happiness on earth. God has blessed me with many, many friends throughout my entire life. He gave me the ability be friends with almost anyone.
That’s a beautiful invitation you cited, there, Randy. Thanks.
I enjoyed reading this post. The only phase I remember hearing when visitors were leaving was “you only just got here”. I remember watching a British movie where the people responded “You’ll be glad to see the back of us” and they all laughed. I thought it was interesting and funny. I always enjoy reading my daily dose of BPATA. Have a blessed day
“jes’ stay all nite” was a common expression by the host after an evening visit…in the Whitetop, VA community.
Can’t say I’ve heard these phrases, but my grandfather always used to greet visitors by saying, “Come in
the house!” We follow the practice of standing on the porch and waving as visitors leave, usually preceded by “Y’all come back.”
I haven’t heard that either, but two other things came to mind. My Mamaw will say, “youngins, don’t hurry!” every time we get ready to go, even when we’ve been there for hours! She also often reminds us that she has an “extry room in there”
Pap, on the other hand, when he was anxious to go home and their guest would ask them to stay, would say “Can’t (pronounced ‘caint’ of course)… let’s go up!”
We always like to go out with them and wave goodbye as they pull away in the car. (my grandmother taught me that.) In Nicaragua on mission we always liked to say, “Dios te Bendiga ” which translates to God Bless You. Thank you for your words……They inspire much thought!
Christine, that’s about the same as adieu–go with God.
My Aunt Lela, who grew up in Louisiana, was never ready for any guest to leave. When they got up to go, she would always protest, “Cain’t you stay on longer? You just come for a chunk of fire!”
same as adiós – go with God
Mother always used the two phrases, “why don’t chu jus spen tha nite with us” and “come go with us.” She said that to anyone who had been there visiting and to the folks we’d been visiting “come go with us” I can just hear her beautiful voice from Heaven sayin all kinds of things that were meant to show folks how much she appreciated them, put her trust in them, and when folks would call including me, she always said, “I hope how soon you can come see me.”