Today’s guest post was written by Kathy Patterson.
Decoration Day at Shady Grove Baptist Church
Father’s Day here at our farm in the Blue Ridge was very special. We had family cemetery decoration. All the family and community members who had family buried at CC Webb Cemetery would pick flowers from their flower beds and make small flower arrangements. My grandmother, Eva Goad, would make sure she had enough flowers and would plant Sweet Williams so to have extra.
We would help Grandma with her flowers supplementing hers with wild Daylilies and Rambling Roses that grew at our neighbors house. These roses were at most of the old houses here in the neighborhood. She used metal coffee cans painted white as her vases and small highway gravel as her vase frogs. She would arrange them in the basement on the steps. She always would fix arrangements according to whose grave they would go on.
Lorene’s grave, her toddler daughter that died from pneumonia and a heart problem in the 30’s always got small delicate flowers while Grandpa’s father and stepmother would always get bold and large flowers like Daylilies.
Grandpa would back his pickup up as close as he could to the basement and we would load up the flowers carefully arranged in the back. Then, we headed down to Grandma’s sister’s house, Aunt Orie, to pick up her and her flowers.
Aunt Orie was a widow whose husband was buried in the cemetery too. He died from complications of diabetes. All the sadness that had been expressed at funerals was now over. Grandpa, Grandma, and Aunt Orie would ride in the front. My brother and I plus our Aunt Pauline would ride in the back with the flowers. I don’t know what they were talking about in the front of the pickup but they were laughing and smiling.
We got to the cemetery and helped Grandma and Aunt Orie put the flowers on the various graves. They looked so beautiful beside the tombstones. While we were putting the flowers out, Aunt Pauline took her milk bucket full of water and the water dipper and watered each vase of flowers. Grandpa would always find someone to talk to about the weather or politics. When we got through he would walk to each vase and put a wire from the vase into the ground to anchor them so they would not blow over. After all them were “wired” be loaded up and Grandpa took all of us home.
The next day, Father’s Day, all of us would return to the cemetery for Sunday Service at 11:00 a.m. Elder McGrady conducted the service and all the families of the entombed would sit in chairs borrowed from the local VFW Post. We would listen to the message, sing, and pray. It was the first time I had ever seen my Grandfather and my Grandmother cry. When service was over, all of my mother’s sisters, their husbands, and their children would load up in their cars and pickups and go to Grandma’s house for potluck dinner.
We still have Father’s Day Decoration Service. The cemetery graves Grandma decorated plus graves of her, Grandpa, Pauline, Aunt Orie, my parents, and most of my Aunts and Uncles. Now most of our flowers are artificial but just as pretty as those loving grown years ago on the graves with just as much attention and care as our ancestors had done. Elder McGrady has long since passed away and replaced with a Presbyterian Elder. VFW chairs have been replaced with personal chairs. We still listen, sing, and pray. We cry, laugh at past memories, and pass the new baby around to hold and love on. Then we load up our cars and pickups and go eat at our favorite restaurant– the local pizza place.
decoration, decoration day noun An occasion on which a family or church congregation gathers on a Sunday to place flowers on the graves of loved ones and to hold a memorial service for them. Traditionally this involved singing and dinner on the ground as well as a religious service. Same as memorial day, this event was held at various times in the Smokies, usu in the late spring. The term and the occasion have been replaced by homecoming, which is usu celebrated anytime from early May to late September, with each community having its designated day.
—Dictionary of Smoky Mountain English
Summer in Appalachia is the time for Decoration Days and Homecomings. Just as Kathy described there’s always bittersweet memories, laughter, a few tears, and some mighty good eating.
Last night’s video: Sharing Our Frugal Life in Appalachia.
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Decoration Day was a memorable time; certainly, in the 40’s and 50’s. We had family in multiple cemeteries; one in particular was up on the mountain and the way up was in a creek bed for some ways. It was also very, very interesting as there was a mix of different types of headstones and many unique grave houses. I always found each to be constructed and trimmed out in an unusual way by the builder; no two were alike. It was an all day tradition, indeed. The description herein of the activities brought back many fond memories of our time on the mountain …..
Here in SW Ohio I grew up in the 40’s & 50’s watching my parents cut flowers – usually Peonies & Iris – and take the to ancestor’s graves. That was done just before Decoration/Memorial Day.
We didn’t combine that activity with a service &/or dinner.
Some of us continue flowers for the graves, tho it has become more difficult as we age.
There’s a song sung by Flatt and Scruggs called “Bouquet in Heaven” and it talks about Decoration Day in Heaven because the Mother in the song had died and gone to Heaven. I understand that in Richmond, Virginia, many years ago, each of the big cemeteries had their own Memorial Days on different days. I don’t think too many churches in our area have Homecoming any more. Growing up, I looked forward to Homecoming because of the food and music. We went to other churches’ Homecomings and they came to ours.
My attitude toward cemeteries is very different than Patty’s – I love visiting cemeteries! Esthetically, I prefer small country cemeteries to the modern, urban cemeteries with their required uniformity of markers engineered for efficient mowing. My childhood memories of Decoration Day are similar to Kathy’s except there was no service. Families just gathered to clean the cemetery, decorate the graves with flowers, visit with each other, and eat a picnic lunch at the cemetery. This was before the availability of artificial flowers and folks used what they grew. My mom always let me collect Queen Anne’s Lace from roadsides and place them in containers of water and food coloring to give pastel tints to the flowers. Strawberries were just coming in season in our part of Kentucky and my Granny always made a delicious strawberry pie. The picnic menu never varied – fried chicken, sliced tomatoes, potato salad, sliced cucumbers and onions in apple cider vinegar, and biscuits.
My dad walked through the cemetery pointing out the stones of family members, near and distant, and telling me stories about the people. His “cemetery stories” gave the childhood me a real sense of history (a cholera epidemic in the 1850s that took the lives of many, wars, mining accidents, floods, the Trail of Tears, the migration westward of Virginia and North Carolina families) and family (those who made the history). Learning history in this way made it come to life in a way that books and classes could never accomplish. Decades later, a genealogy addiction has enhanced my appreciation of cemeteries and I’ve added to the number of cemeteries that I walk through when I am lucky enough to get back to Kentucky. Reading Edgar Lee Masters’ “Spoon River Anthology” in a college American Lit class resonated with me. While I don’t believe that those who have passed from this life hang around cemeteries having conversations with each other, I think cemeteries are places where a love of the land and the stone markers that memorialize not only the individuals resting there but also the history they represent come together to give these places deep significance. I have passed the stories, the history, and hopefully the love of cemeteries on to my children and grandchildren.
For those who share my love of cemeteries, check out the Sidestep Adventures vlog – especially if you have family history in Georgia. These guys ramble through forgotten cemeteries in rural Georgia. They have a commendably respectful attitude toward the graves and frequently clean off overgrown graves, making a video record of the inscriptions. Their subscribers transfer the info to Findagrave.
I have never heard of Decoration Day but what a special day to remember the loved ones. Here on Memorial Day many graves are visited, and lots of small flags are placed and flowers also. In the fall, many churches celebrate homecoming and have cleaning of the grounds on the Saturday before celebrating on Sunday. Patty, I read your post and I will be praying and also AWGRIFF, even though I don’t know you either, I am so sorry for your loss and yes, the Lord knows how and when to answer our prayers. Also, praying for your health. Have a blessed day everyone.
I have never heard of Decoration Day. At sometime in the past it may have been done at my church’s cemetery. I do remember having a day each year when the church members would gather and clean the cemetery. My church not the building is 215 years old. Some of the graves go back to 1800’s with slave being buried there too. This was in the late 50’s or early 60’s. When I was a 14-15 year old teenager I started cutting the grass at the cemetery and the other church grounds. This would have been in late 60’s. Even though our church has someone to cut the grass at the cemetery we keep my parents, grandparents graves clean ( no grass or weeds). They have granite coping and gravel on their graves. My wife and daughter are buried are buried at a different cemetery. We do this out of honor, respect and love for them. The church does have someone to keep the grass cut at cemetery. We also keep fresh artificial flowers on the graves. To me a cemetery is just as sacred as the church, I always try to be respectful and on my best behavior at either place. I love today’s picture, that is a beautiful cemetery.
Even though I have or know anyone buried at the Bryson City Cemetery, I would like to personally thank Don Casada for caring enough to take care of this cemetery.
I remember Decoration Day as an annual event. My Grandma would have some of her kids take her around to the various cemeteries. One was the little cemetery where her firstborn was buried and also her Dad. Another was where her Mother’s people and my biological.grandpa were buried. And one was where my step-grandpa was buried. If done in one day it was quite a bit of traveling. She also made the paper flowers herself.
Where the graves of our ancestors are is one of our ties to the land, a kind of place of our own. But I think.Decoration Day is another waning tradition. We grandchildren do not observe the tradition like Grandma did. I wonder why the difference and I wonder how it would make me feel to understand why.
I remember as a child we would go to decorate family graves on my dad’s side of the family. Flowers were arranged for graves and afterwards a big family picnic at a park close by the cemetery. I remember music, but other than that I was to young to recall if anyone spoke or not. I’m not sure when we stopped gathering on Decoration Day, but I’m guessing it was when most of the elderly family members had passed. It seemed my dad and his brothers just didn’t desired to carry on the tradition of the family gathering, but then there wasn’t really any of his people left to gather after his parents passed.
The post today was sweet and brought back good memories of days gone by of family gatherings on Decoration Day that honored all our loved ones that had passed, not just those that served in military.
Thanks for reminding me of Decoration Day, Tipper and Kathy. Traditions forgotten, remembering our roots, as important as plans for tomorrow. Honoring who brought us along. Their spirit lives on in us. For we each other are the reason for our existence
Decoration Day was one of the most popular holidays in my hometown. I have heard it said that folks who went off to work up north always came home on Decoration Day. Mom would take her crepe paper and wires to one of her sister’s houses and they would sit on the front porch making some of the prettiest flowers I had ever seen.
I still follow the old tradition of decorating graves on Memorial Day. Silk flowers have taken the place of crepe paper in my homemade arrangements.
I think Decoration Day sounds wonderful. I think the fresh flowers so carefully collected, arranged and delivered by loved ones is something we could do today. I was recalling family reunions and how much fun we used to have meeting and greeting distant kin and some I never saw again but wonder where they went. A baby kitten I was caring for (my Tom dragged him in) did not survive and my heart was broken just days ago. I thought about how precious ALL LIFE is and how not a human one can breathe life into a single plant, animal or person. Why won’t people give God proper credit??? He made us to love and care.
I remember Decoration Day in the country. Everyone brought flowers from their yards or from the roadside, and it became more a remembrance day, with lots of hugging, laughing and having a big “dinner on the ground.”
I’ve never heard of Decoration Day. I think that is a lovely way to remember and honor our deceased loved ones.
A lot of cemeteries have their Memorial Service on Memorial Day. It was my Grandmother’s idea that the cemetery should have it on Father’s Day. She loves flowers and according to her years ago her favorite flowers were always in bloom then.
KAthy
Thank you, Kathy for the lovely post. I love hearing about the old traditions. They always have a way of pulling the family closer together.
Tipper, your post brought back memories of Decoration Day which was later changed to Memorial Day. My Mother would make artificial flowers using crepe paper of different colors. The flowers would have a stem made from wire and the wire would be wrapped in green crepe paper. The flowers were always dipped in wax to protect them from the weather and helped preserve the colors for a longer period of time.
Mom would also cook and bake many different varieties for the covered dish meal. Of course, the prelude to the actual decorating was the covered dish meal held at a little rock church. I heard some refer to this as “All Day Singing and Dinner on the Grounds”.
Some of our family members still follow that old tradition of having a covered dish meal and decorating graves in our family cemetery on Memorial Day.
Decoration Day has largely been replaced by Homecoming in this area also.
This brings back so many memories. My grandmother always grew gladiolus and the day before for decoration day she would cut them and arrange them in basket she had saved and sometimes repainted. She would cut them when they just had one or two blooms opened, she said so they would last longer.❤
What a beautiful & meaningful tradition. We don’t have anything like that where I live. Most people plant flowers on Memorial Day, but there is no service and its store bought flowers, because in CNY there are NO flowers blooming until just about now (besides daffodils or irises early on). I really like the part where Kathy talks about the sorrow kind of being over & it is more a celebration of life – the laughter, the working together, the eating together afterwards. I don’t visit cemeteries, myself. I prefer to remember my loved ones, alive. I know one family that lost their 14 yr old son to leukemia about 7 yrs ago & the mother has not healed at all. The whole family is required to go to the cemetery all day on the weekend and for hours on holidays. They don’t celebrate any holidays anymore and the mother does not leave her house often, except to go to the cemetery. I think Kathy’s version is much healthier – more a quiet reflection on the person’s life & acceptance of their passing, without forgetting them. We should not avoid death, but also should not become so preoccupied with it that WE forget to live. Any one who is a mind to pray, I would ask that you say a prayer for our friends, The Lloyd family, that they may come to this spiritual acceptance & can move forward with living – I would appreciate it greatly.
Patty Hansen, I don’t know the mother in the Lloyd family, but I will tell about my own personal grief and how I got better. My only son died last November and I went into the darkest grieving place of my life. I had no peace and crying day and night. I was praying almost continually without getting relief. The Lord knows how and when to answer prayers. While praying one day the Holy Spirit blessed me with the assurance that I would have the most wonderful reunion with my son that would be beyond my imagination. Do I still have grief? Yes I do, but it’s not the deep dark encompassing grief I had before. I thank the Lord every day for his love and compassion He has shown me. If your friend is a Christan she can have that same peace. Will pray for her.
I’ll pray for them.