Our independence it tempered by our basic belief in neighborliness and hospitality. Survival on the frontier sometimes required people to be hospitable, to take people in when night caught them on a journey or keep them indefinitely if their house burned down. Until recent times, neighbors joined in to help build houses and barns for those who needed them. No greater compliment could be paid a mountain family than that they were “clever folks,” meaning that they were quick to invite you to visit and generous with the food. My father told of eating at one home where the only food was sorghum and corn bread, but the host said graciously, “just reach and get anything you want.”
Those receiving hospitality were expected to reciprocate. In the ballad, “Jesse James,” known throughout the mountains, the most damning thing said about “that dirty little coward” Robert Ford who shot Jesse was that,
He ate of Jesse’s bread, and
he slept in Jesse’s bed,
Yet he laid poor Jesse in his grave.
We who were brought up on the value of hospitality will always have the urge to invite those who visit to stay for a meal or to spend the night, even though this is not the custom over much of America now, unless a formal invitation is sent out well in advance.”
—Appalachian Values written by Loyal Jones
The excerpt from Appalachian Values reminds me of how we always try to feed people when they come for a visit. It also reminds me of the wonderful generosity from all areas that has been shown to those suffering from hurricane Helene. Please continue to remember all the people struggling in prayer and also those who are giving aid.
Today’s Thankful November giveaway is a used copy of Appalachian Values written by Loyal Jones. To be entered in the giveaway leave a comment on this post. Giveaway ends November 10, 2024.
Tipper
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“Just reach and get anything you want.” Something you’d hear at our supper table! Southern hospitality at its best!
Great read today from Loyal Jones!
Sally Jo-praying for your friend Cate, you and the family.
My dear church friend, Ms Ruth, is mountain hospitality personified. I never leave her house without something to take home: garden vegetables, apples right off the tree, or a small baggie of bugles (her favorite).
I grew up with a house full of people. I’m the oldest of five. Dad’s seven brothers and sisters and their families were always visiting along with neighbors and church friends. Mom always had food cooked. Pinto beans, fried taters, Cole slaw, chow chow and other foods usually were available. If she needed to cook, she would sometimes fry up chicken, or make chicken and dumplings, and banana pudding. I always helped her cook. We would also visit relatives and other friends and eat with them. I remember once when I was around ten, I think, that a ragged, bearded man arrived at our back door. He asked my mother for “something to eat.” She told him to sit at the picnic table and she would bring some food to him. I can’t remember what she gave him to eat but later when she was talking to Daddy about the visit, he remarked that he could have gotten off the train which was close by or maybe he was an angel. The Bible does speak of that. Hebrews 13:1 says, “Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” We need to be friendly and look out for those who need help.
Hospitality is a dying art. It’s so very important though. I hope we can keep it alive.
Where would we be without church, neighbors and family. It is the American way.
God bless America.
Where would we be without church, neighbors and family. It is the American way.
When I was a child, I can remember several times when a family (friends of my parents) would come to visit us on Friday evening for supper and end up not leaving until Sunday evening when they ultimately had to return to their home to prepare for work on Monday. Those were some wonderful times.
Love this
i look forward to your posts every morning after I read my Bible and have Coffee!
Joanna
No one ever left our house without being offered something to eat. My mom kept fried apple pies baked for that purpose!
I was down south at my Grandparents every year and I heard those sweet words so much there when visiting or when visitors stopped. Ya all stay the night with us or we would say come on home with us and I remember my friends from up north coming for a visit and when we went to church that Sunday morning my Aunt said, Ya all need to stay a month with us:) Hospitality and showing kindness was always displayed. I do believe my Grandparents and Parents lived their lives as a example to me and that the happy desire to “help” where needed is certainly in me and comes from watching them. I will check and see if I can get this book on Audible.
growing up we had a very small house. I can remember Dad saying “just stay with us. if we don’t have enough beds we’ll drive up a nail and hang you up for the night” as a kid in my mind I always tried to figure out how that would work… lol. but what he we really saying was we’ll make room for you! Southern hospitality needs to come back!!
always willing to share what little you have.
I start my morning with you and coffee!
What a wonderful excerpt! I’d love to read it. It makes me long for a different time. Thank you, Tipper!
The world certainly needs more southern hospitality. This book sounds like a wonderful read and the author has a great name.
Hospitality is definitely one of those things you can never really go wrong with!
Good Morning Tipper,
As I age, the Bible and good books are a constant friend along with all the good memories I have of a different era when helping a neighbor or stranger was the norm. My mom didn’t drive, but it didn’t stop her from extending help when needed. With 8 kids to take care of every day, she would fix a meal and put it in that old bent up Stanley pack and walk us kids down the road to take food to a family tn need. We were poor ourselves, but that didn’t stop my dad and mom from sharing what they had. As Christmas is fast approaching I remember my dad and us in an old car seeing a little boy in our neighborhood walking in cold weather with no shoes and dad bought him a pair of shoes. I only had one pair of new shoes in my life. it breaks my heart to think of the devastating effects left by these storms, but I know mom and dad would have helped any way they could have if they were still alive because that is what we do and the way we live and we’re taught to love our neighbors here in Appalachian. God bless.
When my oldest daughter was a toddler she would often ask friends who came for a visit to stay for lunch before I had a chance. We were pretty broke, but I wanted to cultivate that hospitality so I made sure I always had a box of pasta or some tuna on hand. It’s always been a blessing to us as well to have people stay for a meal. My grandpa always says “don’t run off now” no matter how long a visitor has been there.
I was raised in middle Tennessee, and I remember my granny always trying to feed anyone who stopped by. There was always something sitting on the stove to eat. I also remember my grandfather always saying, “Y’all better stay with us” anytime somebody got ready to leave. I’m loving the posts because I’m remembering things I haven’t thought about in years, or realizing they are common sayings in Appalachia. Thank you
One of my grandmothers always wanted to feed anyone that entered her house. I could say, “No, Grandma, I just had a big meal and I’m full.” She would name everything that was still warm from their meal, then things that she could warm up quickly. I used to tease her that if I wasn’t interested in what she had on hand she would name everything in the store that she could send Grandpa to get.
We had a friend that always had one more bed than her family needed and left a key out for us to use if we arrived after she was in bed or even when she wasn’t home. Many times we would think we would surprise her with a visit only to find she was away from home. We got the key, went in, raided the refrigerator and went to bed. We always left her a note to tell her we had been there.
Good morning Tipper,
last year I spent Thanksgiving with my best friend, just the 2 of us , because her cancer had come back after 4 years and she was unable to be around All the family with her husband and daughter. She cooked EVERYTHING! Wouldn’t let me do anything. it was all so delicious. inside I was so sad but we smiled and laughed and reminisced about how we met 13 years ago and our instant connection. she is a beautiful soul. she is in hospice care now with only weeks to live. I visit her all the time. I’m never afraid to wake her up and get her talking. we continue to talk about our incredible relationship and now her 10 year old daughter and my 10 & 7 year old grandsons who are all friends their whole lives.
I don’t know how life will be without her, she is such a light in everyone’s lives.
Sorry to be such a downer, I’m just really feeling it today.
Would you mind please praying for all of us especially my beautiful Cate?
We planned to make everything for this thanksgiving from your and Jim’s cookbook. As soon as I got it we read it cover to cover. I will still be doing that, only without my girl.
I would really appreciate your prayers.
Thank you Tipper
Sally Jo-I’m so sorry. I will pray for Cate and for you and everyone else too!!
Appalachian Values and each reader’s comments bear witness to many ways that are mostly memories. Aunts and uncles on both sides of the family lived these ways of helping and generosity.
Appalachian Values is a wonderful book that I recently bought. Loyal Jones perfectly describes the ways of the Appalachian people.
I’m not from your area, but I am plum foolish for Appalachia. There must be some Appalachian in my family because my maternal grandmother’s people came from TN and they always did try and feed and shelter everyone who visited them. Jesus told us to love our neighbor as ourselves, and I think your culture lives that.
Appalachia is always on my mind and in my prayers since the terrible storms. So thankful I grew up with a precious grandma whose door was always open and table of food was always shared. I need to remember to be more like her.
Your posts and blogs always take me back to my childhood. I miss some of those days and wished I could go back once in a while.
Things are sure different now days
Here in northwest Ohio we must schedule an appointment to see our grandchildren
Never forget to be thankful for the small things. If you are hungry cornbread and sorghum are a huge meal and a blessing to have friends that share what they have. Hope all is well with your family Tipper. I don’t comment often but appreciate so much what you do.
I remember those days all too well. Sad that they are now behind us. Thanks for all your hard work Tipper!
I’ve never heard the phrase “clever folks” used in that context before. Love it.
Cornbread and soup beans always
there to share at my Mama’s house along with a place to stay if you needed it. When you are a tiny child and you get to grow up around such generosity like Loyal wrote about, it is part of you and stays with you your entire life. Even when you move to a big city where that kind of generosity and kind spirit can actually shock people. Love, Teresa
I agree that being neighborly has gone by the wayside. People don’t gather at their homes as much, but at places and destinations. And we are not as trusting of each other as we use to be. Here where we live we are more suspicious of those we don’t know, which unfortunately is understandable. It would be so much nicer to be trusting of our fellow man.
I have been told that my Great Great Grandmother would feed anyone in need. I don’t know how she did it being that there was very little available.
My mother always cooked big meals because she never knew who mightv stop by right at dinnertime which was the noon meal. There were 10 children in our family and no one was ever turned away.
My Daddy grew up on a farm in Alabama and moved to Memphis to find work, after the Navy. There he met my mom, a “city girl”. When we would go back to Alabama, lots of relatives would come see us and we would go visiting as well. When it came time for visitors to leave, my grandmother would say “Y’all better stay the night”. When we were leaving someone’s house Daddy would say,
“Y’all better go home with us”. I always thought it was funny cause nobody ever stayed the night nor did anyone ever go home bc with us, yet the invitations were always made.
During our visits to Banner Elk we are always reminded of the thoughtfulness of many people we encounter. It’s a wonderful feeling!
My Mamasnd Daddy always welcomed guest and naturally they were going to be fed and take something home from the garden.
I would love to read this book. Thank you for sharing!
My Dad was from the Midwest my Mom from TN. My southern relatives definitely showed their love and hospitality through food. No one could make fried chicken like my maternal grandmother!
Old stories like this make me yearn even more the old times like that.
I remember as a child running in and out of neighbors homes, meals at grandmas house, all kinds of gatherings…today, if someone knocks on our door, we step outside to see what they need, if we even answer..We can’t allow our kids in anyone else’s home for fear of what might happen to them. Families hardly speak to one another,much less gather together….where did the simpler times go?
Kelly, I am happy to say I not only grew up as a child but have lived my adult life (70years) being able to do the things you wrote about in your first sentence. I can not comprehend living in families that are always fussing and fighting among themselves. This never went on in mine or my wife’s families, this includes our extended families. Both of our families were always looking for a reason to have “get togethers.” Sometimes in my wife’s family there would around 40 of us together along with some invited neighbors and friends. I think one secret for being able to do this was because of our families being church going people and no alcohol was ever involved in any of our gatherings. I preach about the importance of spending ever minute you can with your families, for me nothing in my life except for my relationship with God is more important. I wrote yesterday about being with my two grandsons and son this past weekend, I would not trade this time spent with them for any amount of money, career, or anything else. I will get out of the pulpit with this, in the old days I think people were more content with having their necessities, nowadays that is no longer true, they are more interested in wanting better or more of their wants. Many of both mine and my wife’s family have passed on, my wife and daughter both died suddenly, they were both gone in the blink of an eye. Ask yourself just how important is your family to you? What are your priorities?
I very much enjoyed today’s post! Hospitality is very much the norm in North Carolina. I look forward to your posts everyday.
This brings back many memories of always welcoming people to the table whenever they visited.
when I was a kid–many many years ago–just a few miles from us lived a gentleman who made sorghum and daddy would at some point make a special trip to buy 3 or 4 gallon or more sized jugs (he always gave one jug away to somebody-my grandparents or a neighbor). the jugs were a see through green and I think at one time they must have been used to put homemade booze in as the opening was no bigger around than a quarter or little larger with the glass having been molded down from the opening with a round finger hole (hold) for slipping your finger through it and hoist it up on your arm in order to tip it up to your mouth to take a drink, often a cork was used rather than a lid—I poorly described the action I am sure you have seen done before with these types of jugs especially in old westerns…..on that same sorghum ‘run’ daddy would go on down the road a few more miles and get two fifty pound toesack bags of peanuts–again he gave one away and we kept one….so now we were set for the winter to have enough sorghum for our biscuits and cornbread for 9 people, and peanuts for roasting on special nights as a great snack and of course mama used some of the raw peanuts for making brittle come Christmas time. Long after the old man who made sorghum died and I was growing up you could still see the wood though slightly falling apart from the ‘mill’ I presume it is called where the mule would walk around and aroung in endless circles until all the grinding was done and in my minds eye I see it still today and could probably take you to the exact spot in his pasture where it stood….many jugs of goodness came out of that man and mule’s hard work to delight tastebuds all around our county
I grew up in West Virginia (Wayne Co.) and as a kid loved going to watch molasses being made. I have friends there who still make them today. Nothing better than molasses on a hot biscuit. Kids today miss so much. Yes, hospitality was truly a part of my growing up and I try to keep it alive in my home today.
I remember the time when neighbors would help out one another. I am proud to say the native neighbors in my area still do this and expect nothing in return except your willingness to help them out if they ever need you. Almost 50 years ago, I helped a man get up his hay (square bales) of hay and would not take any pay even though a few extra dollars would have been handy. Many years later he helped me out with something and when I tried to pay him he would not except any pay. He said he remembered the time I helped him. I think God wants us to have this type of attitude of helping out one another. I would love to read this book, I will be putting this on my list of books to buy. Reading is one of the things I still enjoy doing.