Cynthia Lee Pressley August 6, 1946 – June 21, 2023
Bidden or Not Bidden God is Present
Today makes one full year since Miss Cindy died. She passed away about 11:20 p.m. on June 21.
It was during the month of April that we discovered what was really wrong with Miss Cindy. For a few months prior to the diagnosis we all, including Miss Cindy, assumed she was developing dementia.
We talked about what the future held if the dementia became worse. Those were hard talks to have, hard on all of us. Miss Cindy took them like a champ. From the beginning she said whatever we decided was best is what she would do.
As she continued to decline I finally insisted she see a doctor. Miss Cindy had been healthy has a horse for most of her life and never needed much medical attention. She preferred to treat herself with natural remedies when she was sick. She went to the gym almost every day and ate healthy.
The doctor agreed it was likely dementia and ordered an MRI to make sure there wasn’t anything else going on. The test showed cancer in her brain. Eventually we learned the cancer had spread from a tumor in her lung and she had likely had it for a long time before it progressed and spread throughout her body.
The medication prescribed to reduce swelling in her brain brought some clarity back to her mind and during that time we talked about her final wishes. She chose not to pursue any sort of treatment. Even with recommended therapies her life expectancy was no more than a year.
Once we knew what we were dealing with we settled into a rhythm of sorts. One of us would go pick her up and bring her back to our house to spend the day or if she wasn’t feeling up to it we’d go to her house and spend the day with her. She wasn’t eating very much so we tried to encourage her by making things she liked. I usually fixed turkey bacon, fried eggs, and toast with jelly for her breakfast. Every morning she’d tell me what a delicious meal it was.
When I fried her eggs I would remember her telling me her family ate fried eggs a lot when she was growing up. They even left the frying pan in the oven so it’d always be handy for anyone who wanted a fried egg.
By May it was harder and harder for her to leave her house so we started staying with her. I remember one night I was there and she hadn’t been out of bed all day. I was piddling around in the kitchen making sure everything was done up before I went to bed. I turned around and there she was! She liked to have scared me to death! I haven’t a clue how she got up by herself and got to the kitchen without making a sound. I can still see the way she smiled at me as she said she was sorry for scaring me.
The last week we all stayed during the day. By then she was in bed all the time and hospice was coming every couple of days. We’d sit on the front porch and take turns going in to check on her. I begged her to let me read to her or bring the tv into her room but she preferred the quietness.
The hospice folks told us what to expect in the last days and everything they predicted happened. The last day she was in a sort of comma and as the day progressed her breathing became labored.
Katie and I were staying that night. We set with her for what seemed forever. I finally said “We need to get some rest.”
I went to sleep immediately as I usually do. Katie stayed awake on her phone sending funny memes to Austin till a little after 11:00.
I’m not sure what woke me up, but I’d guess it was the silence. Miss Cindy’s breathing had been so labored. I laid in the dark and listened and knew she was gone. When I got out of bed it woke Katie up. I told her I knew Miss Cindy had left us.
We called the rest of our bunch and the hospice folks. The nurse that had to verify death had to come from Nantahala so it took her almost an hour. She went ahead and coordinated with the funeral home to come after she was done. Since she didn’t arrive till after midnight the death certificate has her death as June 22.
During that time we cried and hugged and worried about what we needed to do. Katie and I kept saying we couldn’t believe she died right after we left her.
At first we both felt bad about it, but I believe Miss Cindy somehow wanted to wait till she was alone to leave this ole world. Maybe she didn’t want it to be hard on Katie and me or maybe it was the same reason she wanted to be quiet instead of watching tv or listening to me read. As I shared in a post earlier this week, in Miss Cindy’s own words, she was a thinker and I know she was thinking and studying right up until death received her.
During the months of worrying about her memory and her declining physical body she would often tell me we just have to wade through this we don’t have any other choice. Let me tell you Miss Cindy didn’t just stog through it like I would have done she waded through her sickness elegantly and with purpose like she did everything else.
Last night’s video: May & June in the Mountains: Decoration Day, Gardening, Wild Raspberries, Terrapins & More!
Tipper
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Dearest Tipper, thank you for sharing such a poignant story; I would like to hear more about Miss Cindy and her life choices, and well as Granny and Pap’s choices, that made you and Matt the people you are today. Perhaps you will write a book one day about all of it. My parents made poor choices that affected all five of us growing up, and only through intense therapy from a counselor the Lord sent to me did I truly heal. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the joy and chaos that surrounded my childhood. God is good. I am blessed.
As I remember you telling us this a yr ago, I still get chocked up. The tears fill my eyes. Even though I didn’t know her personally but yet I knew her here on your post.
I can only say THANK YOU for sharing this wonderful story. I am sure it was very difficult for you to write but it (along with all the comments people have shared) have truly helped and been a blessing to me. My best friend was told 3 weeks ago he was terminal with his cancer and there’s nothing more that can be done. He has opted not to do more chemo etc and just let God have his way.
I’ve truly been struggling as I watch and help him go through the items from his life as he passes them on to those he wants to have them. He doesn’t have any family and he doesn’t want my husband and I to be burdened with “disposing of his items” after his passing. I can only pray i can be as strong as you all have been when his time comes.
That was a lovely story . I miss her and never knew her!
A lovely tribute for a woman who was clearly a class act. As are you, Tipper.
It couldn’t have been easy to type this up and I’m thankful that you shared it with us. Praying for your hearts. Look forward to meeting Miss Cindy and worshiping the Lord together in his kingdom one day.
My daddy was in hospice for a month before he went to be with God. One night, his nurse had lost all of her other patients so she sat with us. She told the most amazing stories of patients she had been with at the time of death. One asked her if she could see all of the beautiful angels. Another had seen her mother coming to her.
But another had screamed in terror and held is hands up. The nurse said she wished every non-believer could witness things that she had seen.
God bless you all❤️
Tipper, as a dedicated reader of your blogs and U Tube videos, I feel like I knew Miss Cindy. I’m sure fellow fans of yours do as well. I lost my husband of 50 years this coming July 13, and reading how Miss Cindy passed and with hospice involved was like reliving it. Hospice came at 7 that morning to check on my Howie and said he would probably pass in the next hour. She had to go to a town 45 minutes away and told us if he passes just call her. I told my daughter we are not going to sit here by your dads side and wait for death to come, hearing is the last sense to leave a person, lets have Alexa play all his favorite songs so that’s what we did. Songs of the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, and a few of the 80’s. Two other daughters were driving from NC and we told them what was happening and they gave us songs they recalled their dad loving. It was beautiful and Howie slipped away from us with the slightest smile on his face. I would love to go like that, being loved and at peace. Some day you will see your lovely Miss Cindy again, and I will see my beloved Howie. I can hardly wait to join him! At 75, I won’t have much longer. May God bless and keep you and your family and your many fans!
Thank you for sharing how you all lovingly played Howie’s favorite music. I want that done for me when the day comes.
Tipper your memories of Miss Cindy are beautifully written. I agree with you on she wanted to wait for you and Katie to go to sleep so she could be by herself in her room to pass on.
She always wanted you all to have the best memories of her and not the struggle of her last breath.
Praying for you all on the difficult day. It’s been a rough past year, but God has helped y’all through it all and also blessed you all with new life in Ira and your grandson who is on the way.
Thank you, Tipper.
I’m emotional reading your post on Miss Cindy’s final days. My first thought is what an amazing daughter-in-law you were to her. Maybe not in Appalachia, but in general, in-law relationships are often contentious. You and Miss Cindy were blessed to have a wonderful loving relationship, and why not? You both love The Hunter, and your girls! And of course you are a very loving, devoted and attentive daughter to Granny! I watched my mother and grandmother enjoy a very loving d-i-l/m-i-l relationship. Mom was her go-to girl for all of her appointments for 20 years after Granddaddy died, as Grandmother never drove off the farm. I also enjoyed a wonderful, loving friendship with my m-i-l. My dear m-i-l and my mom died just 24 days apart in July, 2019, both with Alzheimer’s. They were friends, shared the same birthday, but five years apart. Because Mom had ALZ, I am keenly aware, now at the age of 67, I could be next. I had a scare recently and told my amazing d-i-l, she must be prepared to tell me the hard thing if she notices me being more than a little forgetful. I care for their children, four year old twins, for at least a day per week, so she interacts with me more than my son. All that to say, I am thankful for my d-i-l, who seems to love me as you have Miss Cindy! What a blessing for your girls as well! They have such a loving family to support them as they begin their own. And yes, hospice advised us when my f-i-l was in a coma from a stroke with cancer, that we needed to leave him in his room alone some, that he may not want to “leave” with his family in the room. That is exactly what he did the minute his four children kissed him and walked out of the hospital room to go to lunch. His wife and a few grands were with him.
What a blessing Miss Cindy was!
Thank you for sharing this post with us. God bless Miss Cindy, and God bless all of you.
My mother’s date of death may or may not be accurate. She passed away at 43, suddenly and unexpectedly at home some time on NewYears Eve night or very early the next morning. We found her in the morning, so that’s the date given. Even when it’s expect , though, a mother’s death is devastating and shocking to the heart, if not the mind. Anniversaries bring back memories and happy life events make us sorry for what our mothers are missing. I’m thinking all of you today. You’ve given Miss Cindy a beautiful testimony. ❤️
Dear Pressley family – my prayers are around about each of you this day as you remember Miss Cindy – may His comforting arms wrap around each of you individually, for we all grieve differently – and as a family for you all share the loss. I am sharing a part of the words to something I read a long time ago: “….I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glint upon the snow, I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain, and when you awaken in the mornings hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight, I am the soft stars that shine in the night….” Miss Cindy is still around you for she is within each of you.
One could only hope to share a love as strong as the love each of you shared with Miss Cindy!!!!! The first year has passed by so quickly—it just doesn’t seem like a long time at all. To me, the passing of time is one of life’s deepest mysteries. One minute, many years ago can seem like just yesterday, and the next minute, it feels like a lifetime ago. This is a phenomenon that will never cease to amaze me!!!!! Thinking of you and your family today and every day!!!!!!
Miss Cindy was so strong during her health struggle as she set an example for us all. My best friend, Darlene, lived and died like Miss Cindy with the same disease that had been misdiagnosed for months. She was a hoot until a day or so before she passed. She would call and say she was getting ready for her appointment with Pac-Man, meaning radiation, and she was going to win this game. I will be praying for Matt and his family on this sad day.
June 21st is generally considered to be the beginning of summer. Since December the days have been growing increasingly longer and the earth has been drinking up more and more of its lifeblood, sunshine. June 21st is when the sun is a its pinnacle. It is as far as it can go and begins its decline back toward its cold harsh conclusion.
What’s the correlation to Miss Cindy you might ask? Think about it. She had come up through some troubling times and had fought her way through them. Just as the sun reached its peak on that day, June 21st, so did she. Unlike the sun she didn’t face the decline that followed.
She did what she came for! She retired at the top of her game! She climbed the mountain and never came down! I am envious!
Good thought, Papaw. Thank you.
How beautiful that you and your family were all there for her. All of you are blessed.
You beautifully shared the final times of a wonderful and loved woman.
My experience was similar to yours. The Hospice nurse didn’t arrive until after midnight so my mother’s death certificate records the day after she actually died. My cousin, who is a retired nurse, and I were with her at the end. She had continued her slow, labored breathing for a while, with me talking quietly to her. I told her we all loved her and would miss her and that we would tell her new great grandson (the less than 5 months old) all about her and she would never be forgotten. Then she took her very last breath. I know she heard me. After that, I became a Hospice volunteer and for years, I sat with those who were dying. It’s true that people will sometimes wait until all their loved ones are out of the room before dying. Maybe they want to hold onto every last moment of togetherness they can, or maybe like Tipper said, they want to save those they love from witnessing that last exhale.
I’ve sat with several people through their final months, weeks, days and minutes. I only remember one that was angry the entire time. All the others were looking forward to Heaven. Some even said they could see angels waiting for them. I’ve heard of some that reached out for the angels in their final breaths.
Strength and grace, a peaceful passing-it’s a privilege to be with our loved ones when they pass
Mom was 87 and in a coma for 12 days. About day 10, I was in the room with her when she reached up toward Heaven, her eyes closed. It was such a comfort to me that she saw or felt the presence of angels or loved ones who had gone before her. The wellness director of the assisted living said she had observed this a lot. Praise God as He dispatches angels to greet us when it’s our time.
Oh Matt, Tipper, Corie, Austin, Katie and Granny, there truly are no words when a loved one passes. When my Paternal Grandmother was passing, her son my daddy had cancer and when the assisted living place called and said my grandmother was not doing well, my mother asked me to go sit with her and I did. I arrived around 4:00pm and around 11:45pm a nurse came in & asked me if I’d had anything to eat. I realized I had not eaten since much earlier that day. The nurse told me it looked like it would be awhile & why didn’t I run down to the Dennys restaurant & grab a bite. I told her I would & I’d come right back. I kissed my grandmother & told her I loved her & left. A friend had come with me & he drove me to the restaurant. I was numb and tired. I was a teacher & had worked that day. As I went to sit at the table my cell phone rang, it was the nurse telling me Grandmother had passed. She told me I probably didn’t even get downstairs to the car and she was gone. I was devastated that she was alone; the nurse explained to me that dying is a very personal thing, and many choose to do it alone. She told me that she truly believed my grandmother was waiting for me to leave her side. That was a very tough year for me. A few weeks later my favorite aunt passed and a couple weeks later her daughter my dear cousin lost her life in a tragic automobile accident by a drunk driver. Then my daddy’s best friend lost his battle with leukemia. Then 8 months later in November of that year my dear daddy lost his 18 month battle to stomach cancer. This too has been a year of many deaths in my life, friends who are as much like family have gone on to be with Jesus. My momma use to always say death seems to come in threes. Maybe so, but I’m past 3 so far this year. It is very obvious how much you loved Miss Cindy, and how you treasure all your memories with her. Have a blessed day Tipper & family. Love y’all.
Donna,
I am so very sorry for your many losses and all so close together. It is difficult to grieve one when you are faced with another soon after. May you be comforted by peace that passes all understanding.
Miss Donna, I had a similar experience with death, in my family, in 1984-85. So very sorry for your losses. Miss Tipper, Matt and family, you have my sincere condolences and prayers. God bless you all.
Tipper the more we love the harder we grieve. So hard to loose our family. Even when we are assured we will see them again.
We are so blessed to know Jesus as our Saviour, Who made a life with Him possible.
love n hugs to you all
ooooxxxx
I was a nurse for almost 40 years. I saw many, many people die. But when my dear father died suddenly it was different. I walked into the ICU at 11 pm Saturday night after traveling from Virginia eight hours to Ohio, to see my beloved father twice his size and hooked up to a ventilator. His liver had stopped working from a reaction to diabetes meds. He died that Monday after turning 75 yo on the previous Thursday. I felt so helpless and devasted that this should happen to him. But I and my entire family are Christians and we knew/know that God is in control. We may not like how things work out sometimes, but He is in control. This is what got me and my family through this nightmare. Dad was a solid Christian, and we knew where he had gone and rejoiced in this. Almost two years ago my niece, 43 yo, was diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer named Glioblastoma. She was a nurse with a husband and two children seven and eleven at that time. Karie was also a strong Christian. My brother was able to lean on his faith in God and I traveled to Ohio to be with him, his other daughter, wife and family members. Miss Cindy was a Christian and she went to be with her Saviour God also. How comforting to the family to know where your loved is. We KNOW we will see them again. Death anniversaries bring back so many sad memories but if we can hold on to the good times as Tipper has been presenting this week they will push aside the bad memories. I am happy Miss Cindy had a loving and understanding family to let her pass at home. Tipper, May God comfort you and your family.
Tricia, I am a Christian, I know without a doubt my wife, daughter and other family members that have passed on are in Heaven. They all were Christians or as us Baptist say “been saved”. My daughter was killed in an accident at 32 years old and my wife died from a blood cot forming during heart bypass surgery. I know I will be with them again one day in the future but because I’m human I still miss them. You used the word “devasted,” that is the way I feel about my life without my wife. Some days living seems more like a burden than a joy. We truly became “one” when we married at 19 and 20 years old, (it would be 50 years this year) now there is only half of that one left to try to carry on.
Such beautiful words shared about a beautiful lady. Her gentleness and acceptance of what was happening helped her and all of you too during this time. The love all of you showed to her had to bring comfort and was a blessing to her. Tipper, thanks for sharing this personal tribute to Miss Cindy with all of us. We all prayed so hard for her and all of you. Love and prayers to Granny and the Little Mamas and all of you.
“…she waded through…elegantly and with purpose…” I’ve said before that, even though I didn’t know her, there was timelessness in her words and even in the ways you have spoken about her. Her face was by very definition the meaning of gracefulness and ethereal beauty. Her death and the effects on Katie and Corie, however, were profound to me as I lost my only living grandmother when I was 13. I adored her and was far closer to her than to my mother. Though my heart was breaking for all of you, Katie and Corie’s sorrow went straight through me. God bless Miss Cindy, elegant and purposed in life and in her present Kingdom waiting for you all. In the sweet by and by, I hope to meet her, too.
God Bless Miss Cindy. I”m sure writing this was not easy, Tipper. Thank-you. She moved into Heaven … the first full day of summer . . . I’m sure it was no accident!
Thinking of you all today. Praying for strength and peace for each of you as walk through this by God’s grace and love. Thank you for sharing precious Cindy with us, Tipper.
This is such an elegant tribute to Miss Cindy. Thank you for sharing this story with us. Let her be an inspiration to us as we walk the path.
This world needs more Miss Cindys in it and you are blessed to have had her in your family.
Prayers for peace and comfort because the hole she left will never close up.
As you may have realized, Miss Cindy died on the summer solstice for 2023, the longest day of the year. For you and her loved ones, that “longest day” will forever linger as one of sadness. Yet during her earthly days she provided great gladness, and surely you can find an added bit of comfort in knowing that before she went into that good night there was the longest day of light.
Miss Cindy has a FIRST ANNIVERSARY with Jesus in heaven and her loved ones gone on before her! What a beautiful soul indeed she was and since I’m a nurse who’s seen many deaths and pronounced even more, my mind and soul were touched. When I’m sick, I want it quiet. When I’m worried, I need to sit in quiet. After the sun goes down, I will sit in the dark (with a candle sometimes) just to calm my mind and soul. I’ve seen many souls who will hang on as long as their loved ones are there, but when told-even in catatonic state-“they’re gone now if you want to leave” many have held my hand and took their last breath. It has been indeed an honor to be with people as they leave this world for their first and better home…it’s been a very bittersweet occupation. God bless you all and may you be comforted in knowing you are a fine family we’d all be proud to have!!! Miss Cindy may say her cup runneth over in many wonderful ways concerning those she loved and loved her!
I am at a loss as to what to say, Miss Cindy should be an inspiration to all of us. One of my precious sister in laws died on Dec. 2, 2016. She was healthy as a horse at the beginning of the year but soon began to act like she was getting dementia. It just kept getting worse, she was in the hospital for the last three months that she lived. Her husband never left her side. Someone would take food and clean clothes to him and he would take showers at the hospital. She was finally diagnosed with a very rare brain disease – only about 350 known cases in the world. She was a very good singer and a fine Christian lady. Just one day out of the blue after her memory had gotten pretty bad, she cut loose singing the song “Sheltered In The Arms Of God.” Her daughter was able to record it on her phone. She sung the words and tune perfectly. I think she was telling her loved ones not to worry about her. I have wrote too much, but it just goes to show every breath we take is a blessing, we can be healthy one minute and on our death bed the next. We are never more than one breath or heartbeat from eternity. You had better be ready.
Sadness and sweet memories make the mourning pain less edgy and more longing sighs after a year. Cherish it all. God bless all of you!
Miss Cindy was a very precious lady. She will be missed by all of us. May the Lord be with each of the family to comfort you through these trying times. Thank you, Tipper for posting about Miss Cindy.
It is never an easy thing to lose someone you love. We lost our mom, brother and dad in less than 7 months in 2009. We lost our brother and dad in less than a week. Death is a process and we saw how all that goes down in a certain order. When mom died, our friend Dr Mays helped us understand the medical side of it. God let us see literally the heavenly side of it. It was the saddest days and the most glorious days we all shared together. Our brother Rev. Curtis Franklin was the first one to see things in the spiritual realm and then the rest of us followed. Let me tell you that your precious Cindy is in a place that words cannot describe the beauty and Jesus was there with open arms to love her and receive her. We 6 that are left, miss our family so much, but our relationship to our heavenly father and each other is even closer. God is so good to all of us. Cindy’s leaving left something that is hard to find in this old world today and that is a family who loves each other more now because of her and her witness she left with you all. May God continue to wrap you in love and grace. Be blessed.
Remember the best times, the laughter, the songs. The good I lived while I was strong. Smile today because you knew me.
Thank you for sharing that with us. I can just picture her smiling when she scared you. I’m sure she wasn’t alone either, there were angels there with her waiting to show her to Heaven.
What a wonderful legacy she has left for her family. Her dignity, beauty and grace followed her into eternity. Thinking of y’all today.
This post was hard to read this morning. So sad…and it brought back so many memories of my dear son-in-law’s death a couple years ago. He passed at home with my daughter by his side letting him know it was alright to go. He was not afraid. Like Miss Cindy, he lived and died peacefully and filled with the knowledge that he was going home. I will miss him forever.
And today is Mom’s birthday; would have been 92. The first day of Summer! I keep you ALL in my heart, for comfort, with a GREAT hope of seeing our loved ones again!
Sending love and comfort for your family. Miss Cindy must have been such a blessing in your lives. Cherish the memories ❣️
What a lovely lady! She soothed our world with dignity and grace and left a legacy of love. Thank you Tipper for sharing her with us.
We both have been blessed with a good mother and mother-in-law.
God is great!
death is a sad thing, may the good Lord give you peace in Jesus Christ name, God bless your family, Tipper Pressley ❤️
I agree with you, but for the ones that are Christians, I think death could really be considered a blessing. After my wife’s death, an older man at my church would be sure to come talk and check on me after church ever Sunday. He would tell me for the ones that are Christians when they die, death is a blessing , they are in a better place, it is the ones they leave behind that are suffering. This man now has his own health problems and had to have his voice box removed and can no longer talk but still comes to church. He and his wife are dearly loved by all of us.